Weathering the Storm
Blog Post #12
I’m feeling a little off kilter. And by “a little” I really mean I’m feeling a lot off kilter. And by “off kilter” I mean that I’m in a kind of funk...down-and-out...glass half empty...feeling hopeless...lacking enthusiasm...wanting to give up...no energy...no surges of creativity or desire...a real mess. I hate feeling like this. It totally stinks.
It seemed to have come out of nowhere, until I stopped to evaluate the situation. It’s actually multi-faceted and I can’t seem to get control of any of it. Uggghhh...I’m just in a dark place.
We all go there from time to time. Sometimes it’s a short visit. Other times, it lingers like a rotting potato in the fridge that you can’t find, and is causing a real stench.
I, gratefully, don’t get in this kind of space often, but I’m here now and I want out. I’ve prayed. (But have I prayed hard enough?) I’ve tried to distract myself. (It isn’t working.) I’ve poured myself into my work. (Everything is taking ten times longer than it usually does because of my sour mood.) I’ve doused myself in holy water and told Satan to take a hike. (I think he's decided to camp out in my heart!) I’ve tried all the usual stuff to stop the southbound train of thoughts, feelings, imaginings. (My heart, mind, and soul ain’t havin’ it!) Or at least it doesn’t FEEL like there’s any improvement.
It occurred to me this morning that I’m having a trust issue.
I have those from time to time...actually more regularly than I like to admit. Usually a good dose of scripture wards it away. For example, I’ve always been a fan of Philippians 4:6-7. You know the one. “Do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” This usually brings me instant comfort. Not so much today.
What’s a Christian to do?
It occurred to me at 4 o'clock this morning that I’m just going to have to wait out the storm!
I’ve been through plenty of storms in the past. And, no doubt, there’ll be more to come. They come for all of us. Sometimes they’re just a few sprinkles and a cloud or two, and sometimes they feel like a tsunami. But in whatever form they come, we need to be ready to batten down the hatches, so to speak.
One way that I “batten down the hatches” is to recite the prayer mantra I created for myself when my beautiful sister, Mary, was sick and dying: “Stay in the moment...keep breathing...TRUST GOD...and just keep doing the next right thing.”
Those few words and the action they require have helped me through a lot of tough times. It kind of boils down to trusting God...or not.
So, what’s it gonna be, Carol?
(Pause)...
(Pause some more)...
Come on, Lord, I’ve got room under my umbrella. Let’s wait it out together.